But shedidn't want anything to do with it. She felt that we were just wearingcostumes and that we should not take it any further than that.In the day... and weeks that followed I tried to suppress my feelings, butthe urge to dress again grew stronger. Eventually I talked to Sophie,told her what I was feeling and told her that I really wanted to explorethat side of me. She couldn't accept it and within days she was gone.That was a huge shock to me and it took me some time to pull. My mind was willing, but my flesh had deserted me.“I can’t,” I moaned.“Come here!” she commanded.I was sober enough to know it would be silly to leave my boxers where they were. I bent over and pushed them the rest of the way down, kicking them off. I crawled onto the bed.She guided me to lie beside her, not quite touching her. I just naturally got into a similar pose, except that I didn’t reach for her other pillow to stuff under my armpit. I didn’t know what to do, so I just stared at. We stopped outside, neither of us wanted to knock, and the silence seemed to grow with every second. Just as Danny raised his hand there was another crash from inside the room, followed by roars of what first seemed like pain but in the same split second we realized was laughter.Danny turned to look at me. I shrugged.“Don’t ask me, sweetie. No idea.”We stood there and watched each other and listened. The laughter gradually died out and we heard thumps. And squeaks. They gradually got faster and. I had a family. She’s gone now, with our children. Money wasn’t enough. The distance it put between us was too much. So, I’m giving it up. No more dirty business. One less cop on the take. I retire in two years, but after tonight, I’m requesting a desk job at the station. Maybe I don’t deserve it, but once everything’s settled, said and done’ maybe she’ll come back. I miss my daughter. I miss my son. ‘and then, there he is. Same guy as ten years ago. How he managed to get out of prison I’ll.
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